Nothing Normal
by Karesu-Gaara-Mikosu
Summary: One-Shot. Wincest. Sam's been gone for a week and Dean can't stop thinking about him no matter how much he tries.


Title: Nothing Normal

Author: Karesu

Raiting: pg-13

Pairing: Wincest

Summary: Sam left last week, and Dean still can't drown him out no matter how much he trys.

A/N: This story was brought about when I listened to the song 'For You' by Barenaked Ladies one too many times. It's kind of sappy, and kind of angsty. But oh well…

Disclaimer: I don't own them; I just play with them for my own amusement.

* * *

Another forgetful town, another bar, another girl, and another night of what is considered fun, at least what was supposed to be fun? But really he was just going though the familiar motions, not really paying attention to what he was doing. The girl to his right, whom he had been shamelessly hitting on for the past fifteen minutes, giggled and scooted closer to him. Being on auto-pilot he rested his hand on her hip and pulled her closer. She giggled again, shaking her head at his impaired judgment. She thought it was the alcohol, and he was perfectly happy to let her believe that- she might be offended that what was distracting him was the thought of someone that wasn't her. "You don't even know my name." she said, sipping her drink and giving him bed-room eyes.

He grinned back lightly, eyes somewhat sparkling in the smoky bar he was in. "Didn't figure they were important, but if you want to know mine it's Dean."

"Samantha, friends call me Sammi." She purred back and he froze. Sammi… Sammy... _his_ Sammy… who was now gone because he went off to college in search of the acclaimed American dream. Sammy, the reason he was at this stupid bar to begin with.

* * *

_"Dean, please." He cried out, tears rolling out of his eyes. "I just want you to understand why I am doing this! I'm not part of this anymore; I sometimes don't even remember why we keep fighting. Normal families…" _

_That is what broke Dean out of his silence. "Yeah Sam that's right, __**normal**__ families would freak out and send Dad into a white padded room, hell I might even be on their list. If you haven't looked around lately, we are kind of far from normal. You know what else normal families do, Sam? They stay blissfully unaware and many of them are killed for it!"_

* * *

Dean shivered at the memory of the fight and downed another shot. The girl was still hanging off his arm flashing him goo-goo eyes. At this point even the auto-pilot was down and he just wanted to get out of there. "Samantha you're cute and could probably get any guy in this bar. I on the other hand need to get out of here before I end up hitting you because you share the name of someone I care for deeply and you absolutely do _my_ Sammy no justice."

He stood up and quickly moved out the bar, his mind in a fog as he did so. Due to the overwhelming emotions he was feeling, although he would deny them if anyone asked, he didn't even realize he had gotten into the Impala and peeled away from the bar as fast as his baby could take him. His car was the soul-possession that he actually cared about. He wasn't materialistic in any way, mostly because of the way he grew up and the fact he usually only owned the clothing on his back, but his baby could only be rivaled by one other thing in his life- and it hurt to think about it.

* * *

_"Dean, you have been moody all freaking week without any really good reason for it. I for one would like an explanation because whatever the hell it is has been messing with your sleep as well. The lack of sleep has made you even more irate than you normally are." Sam brooded, sitting on his bed in the hotel watching Dean- looking for any clue as to what was going on._

_Sam had been hounding him for the week for one thing or another. Whether it was how he needed more sleep, how he was drinking more than normal, or what was on his mind. He was tired, irate and pissed off beyond belief. What had been on his mind had, in all reality, been nagging at him for more like a month but it was finally taking a toll on his body. "Sam, just leave me alone- alright?" he sighed exasperated. _

_"No, no I will not- not when whatever is wrong is tearing you up inside. You forget that I've spent my whole life with you Dean and know when something is getting under your skin. Now spill." Sam, even when he was seventeen, could revert to the pout he had when he was ten years younger- reminding Dean even though the boy had become a mile long he was still the younger brother out of the two of them. _

_"Sammy, just drop it, I'm fine. I'm better than fine- so shut the fuck up." He growled, just furthering the notion that he was indeed not alright. Sam was focused on getting the truth though, so much he even let the nick-name stand unopposed. _

_"Dean… is it Dad? Are you worried about him, I know he's been gone but he's always gone, the man is one of the most solid people alive, I highly doubt something can kill him off that easily." He saw his brother flinch at that and he knew right away that if he hadn't been thinking it earlier the image just popped up in his head just then. "Plus Bobby is with him- so he's fine." Dean still wasn't looking at him, which was never a good sign. "Are you upset he didn't take you along for this one? If so that is really a fucking stupid thing to get so upse-" He was stopped by the press of chapped lips that covered his own. His eyes went wide, Dean was kissing him._

_The older of the two drew back and stared Sam down- something akin to hurt and anger falling off his body in waves. Sam wanted to back up, but his feet rooted him to the ground. "Fuck… Sam… I…" He backed up and suddenly looked away, all other emotions covered in the almost palpable guilt. Without another word he ran for the door, slamming it on his way out. He climbed into the Impala and drove off as quickly as he could, heart pounding in his chest._

* * *

Dean turned up the Metallica that was already blasting through the speakers, trying to drown out the memories, the fights… he tired to drown out Sam. The night had been bad at that point, he remembered, he was almost sick from guilt. It was horrible to feel anything other then brotherly love toward his younger [not even legal at that point] brother. But it still swelled in his heart and he tried everything to hide it and deny it- for once in a way he tried to be normal. But Winchesters weren't normal

Now that he looked back on it, it seemed obvious that he was in love with Sammy. He had always felt that in some way Sam was his, Dad placed him in his arms when he was four and ever sense he didn't want to let go.

But now Sam was torn out of his arms by the fucking 'American Pie Life' that Dean never found appealing. He had left, he had made Dean miserable, and he was also the reason for the older brother's darkened mood. He wished there was something to do, something to fight just to get his anger out of the way but as his luck ran there was never an evil entity when you wanted one.

He pushed down the accelerator, hoping the adrenaline of a few beers and a fast car could keep his mind off a few things.

* * *

_Dean finally made it back to the crappy motel that they were staying in, hoping to hell that his brother was asleep. When he peeked through the blinds he saw Sam's form on one of the beds and he breathed a sigh of relief. He snuck into the room, using all the training he had to make sure not to make a sound. As he took off his boots and climbed into bed he heard a voice, and it scared the shit out of him._

_"I'm not mad."_

_Dean looked over at his, apparently not asleep, brother like he had just grown two heads. "Good, cause if you were then that off bit would get us killed on a job." He shot back- trying not to portray the immense guilt and lust that was raging inside of his mind._

_"Dean I…" Sam turned so he was facing the other. "… I wanted it too. I was so scared to reach out and take it."_

_Dean froze, he did not want to be hearing this- ever. Sam couldn't be as twisted in the head as him, he just couldn't. "No Sam, you don't. This is my shit, if I ever hear you say something like that again I will kill you." He growled out trying to make his point loud and clear._

_"NO! You listen to me for once Dean. I want you. Badly. Is that simple enough for you to understand? I know it's wrong, I know everything but I want it so badly." They fought for another hour like that, until Sam was fed up and planted his lips onto Dean's. _

* * *

He didn't even bother wiping away the tears that escaped the corners of his eyes as he remembered this. Best night of his fucking life and he, of course, had to ruin in. It has escalated into a full make-out session until Dean pushed him back and forced him to stop. They then went to bed and Dean wanted nothing more then to crawl into Sam's and comfort him because he heard the small gasps that showed the other was crying but trying damn hard not to show it.

Instead he held firm, he held so firm in fact he sometimes kidded himself that he wasn't in love with Sam in any other sense than them being brothers. He pushed down the urges, ignored Sammy's pleading eyes, and went on with his life. That is, until Sam told him about the worst possible thing.

* * *

_"Sammy I went to clear out the box and you got yourself some mail. From one of them fancy schools, probably want ya to go there. Ha." Dean threw the fairly heavy package of Sam. They were actually fairly stationary for right now, waiting out Sam's senior year. Dean kept looking through the little bit of mail that had until he realized that Sam was just staring at the package he had just received._

_His face was indescribable, as he looked at the manila packaging with his name neatly stamped across it. "Dean, they do want me to go there."_

_Dean stopped, not really getting the gravity of the situation. "Yeah because your so damn smart, my boy. Good at research too, never in a million years would I be as fast as you." He whistled and put down the rest of the mail. "If I didn't know any better I 'd say they were almost begging you to come- look at all that paperwork." He said as Sam started to take out some of the papers._

_"Dean, they do… they gave me a full ride. Pre-law." Sam said, crewing on his lip as he looked at the acceptance letter in his hands. Normal people would be jumping in glee at this point, but Sam was just worried about Dean's reaction._

_"Damn, Sammy you must be really fucking smart if they want you that bad. Too bad for them you have no intention of going." Dean laughed, moving over to the pantry to grab the Oreo's that lay inside._

_"Actually… they sent me this… because I applied."_

* * *

His world had come to a crashing halt at that sentence. He wanted to punch Sam for even THINKING of going, but he knew that would get him nowhere. So instead he hopped into the Impala and just aimlessly drove- much like he was doing now. How could he? Did you hate him that much? But he knew the answer to that, he loved him too much and that's why he left.

Despite the ideal life, Sam wouldn't have bailed on them just because he wanted a degree. He knew that some of this was because of him and his inability to live up to his emotions. They started to fight after that. Dean would scream at him about abandoning the family, Sam would yell at him about being Dad's 'little solider' and how he didn't want that for his life.

Then, he left. The bus came; Dean even fucking _drove_ him. He made sure Sam at least had a knife on him, just because he wanted normal didn't mean he didn't need to be protected from abnormal. They embraced and Sam breathed, voice broken and small, against his ear the words, "I love you."

Now Dean was trying to forget. He was tired of remembering, reliving everything. But probably the most bothersome thing about the whole ordeal is that for the past week it irked him that he didn't say anything back. Stopping the Impala, right there in the middle of the road, he grabbed for his cell. He pressed the speed-dial for that familiar number. It didn't even occur to him what time it was when he heard the sleepy voice of his brother answer his phone.

"H-hello?" and that voice alone sent a shock up Dean's spine.

"Sammy, I love you too."


End file.
